It doesn’t look like my writings are gonna get much lighter anytime soon . It’s just the way things have gone the past couple weeks, and me, being the deep thinker or the only-write-when-I’m-thinking-deep person that I am anyway, it’s impossible not to take on a little more of a somberness toward all of it. So hang in there with me on these less-than-fluffy sentiments. Because…right now, I am convinced that life is delicate. Because…a close family friend is suffering from cancer…and I should be at my cousin’s funeral today.
Instead I am hosting a birthday party for my best friend. In some ways it may seem frivolous or even irreverant, in light of what is going on, but I did not choose lightly to go on with these plans. I spent most of the day yesterday, just thinking about how young my cousin was and why no one could reach him before he died. Today, I wonder if I could have done more to make sure he knew he was loved. Did I take every opportunity to speak into his life? Did I show him how much he meant to me. To us? I don’t know. How will his mom possibly survive? I don’t know.
But I do know that I have people in my world right now who need to be touched. I have friends who don’t know how special they are, because I haven’t told them in awhile. I have family members who wonder if they would be missed. I have places that are still calling my name. There’s a little girl who still needs a mama. And right now, there’s a birthday to celebrate. Heather is turning 30 and Lord knows, she has gotten me through some of the worst gunk of my life. So…while my heart is a little on the serious side, I am no less celebrating. I am even more aware of the important things. I enjoy even more the way the sun illuminates the paper lanterns I hung in the tree branches. I appreciate even more the brilliant colors of the flowers that Alicia picked for the table. I love even more the tiny handprints on my glass door. And I am even more excited to see the faces of my most lovely friends tonight. It’s time to celebrate.