Things had happened so fast, that I hadn’t really had a chance to process, much less to write about all that had happened. Plans had changed so quickly, that my head couldn’t keep up, much less my heart, with this dream, this ever-increasing vision.

Until this morning, when I sat down at our little round kitchen table to sign those final application papers and send in our family pictures, and that’s when I finally let all my air out, and let the magnitude of this moment fill me.

That’s when I finally felt all the reasons we were doing this and why we could NOT forget, even after all these years, no matter the obstacles and challenges that had come our way, recently.

That’s when it hit me all over.

There’s a small child in an orphanage right now, whose life is depending on these papers. There’s a little girl somewhere in the remote part of Nicarauga, whose wellbeing deeply depends on whether we, her forever family, will come for her, and when we will come.

And that’s when the tears came. They poured down like liquid relief, fluid happiness, as I remembered the years and the dreams that had brought me here, to this place and this moment. Dreams that as a young girl I had envisioned and prayed for. Dreams that had built up in my heart over many years, but had never quite found the right place and time to happen.

Dreams that even way back then, I knew would be a huge part of my calling.

And now here I was, signing my name to them. Here I was with my husband, saying yes to that dream, and that calling.

Here I was, still fragile from all that had happened and yet still believing that this is what we had come for. This is why we had pressed on, when everything seemed to be against us.

I knew again that we were here for something greater than us, and that nothing could deter us from that ‘something.’

There we were, signing our hearts and our lives to a little girl in Central America, who has a dream…of having a family and of having a Mama, like my daughter has. Of being loved and adored and valued by a daddy, who will love her as his own.

Somewhere, a tender, waiting soul has a dream. And that dream depends on ours. It depends on us, and these tears, and these papers. Us. Saying YES, and not forgetting, no matter what comes or how crazy life gets. No matter how easy it would be, or how close we’ve ever come to jumping ship, and just adopting a normal American life instead. No matter how tempting it has ever been to hold our comforts and possessions, instead of holding hearts. The hearts of broken children.

And so we say yes, and we will continue to say yes. To her, to this, to all of us.

I looked at the flower that had fallen onto that sloppy mess of papers and tears and there I remembered. I remembered love and the reasons why, and the young girl who had had a dream many years before. The girl who had a dream to be a Mama to someone else’s birthed gift to the world, to touch the dark-skinned soul of a child in need, and never be the same.

I remembered the Mother she had dreamed of being.

And the girl far away who hopes to meet her one day.

Note: Please pray for us as we go through this process, as it is a huge leap of faith for us at this time. We have applied into Nicarauga’s adoption program, but there is still a lot of work and waiting ahead for us, and on top of that, we just got notice that our landlords are selling and we will need to be out of this house, by August. It all seems a bit crazy and uncomfortable at the moment, but we feel completely at peace in our decision to move ahead with this adoption. Pray for wisdom, that we would know what our next step is, and that things will happen in the right place and time, for all involved. Thank you so much for all your love and support! It means so much to us.