I Knew It Was You

You chose me
when I had nothing left

And my arms had come up empty
from recent tragedies
and futile attempts
at making sense
of our future
and what had been taken

My soul weighted
from the loss of hope
and the dream
of having another chance,
A child to love

And yet I knew from the beginning
that you were choosing me
to be your Mama
To bring you into the world
and give you life

I knew when I sat in the bathtub that night
that you were calling me
and I heard that tiny boy voice
say “one more, Mommy?”
I knew
that it was you

You were choosing me

You were choosing my body,
my heart, my soul
To carry you
into the world
and I was so surprised
I started weeping

I had not planned on hearing you
I had not planned on ever hearing that
tiny voice
Or ever knowing
That feeling again
I had given up on what it would take
To realize that dream
Along with other things

And the possibility
of this happening
Shook me awake

And it was scary
and real
and amazing
at the same time

But I knew that day
that you were choosing me
I knew that it was you
knocking on my heart
to see if it would open
Fluttering in my womb
to see if I would make a little room
for you?

And then I did
and my world changed immediately

Everything became clear
and I suddenly knew
why nothing else had worked out
And why I could never fully put the possibility of you
out of my mind

Even when my logic
had said it was too late
and my body couldn’t handle it
and I had missed my window
of opportunity

I knew in that moment that you were
the most beautiful thing
I had ever felt
And that you were choosing me
in spite of all my fears
and ‘what ifs’
and insecurities

You were choosing me
saving me
calling me

And for that
my little darling
I will always be grateful
I will always be honored
to be the one
you chose
to be your Mama

I will always be amazed
and proud
and shattered at your courageous
In coming to me
when I least expected you
or felt that I deserved you

And for that, I love you
And I choose you.

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