‘Mom Guilt’ and Why I Cried Over a Salad at the Dinner Table.

Tonight should have have been a joyous gathering at the dinner table, we had just come in from playing in the snow and doing creative things all afternoon, but instead I found myself pinching back tears as I ate my bowl of fruit while everyone else ate fake chicken nuggets out of the freezer and the too-salty vegan mashed potatoes I had slapped together at the last minute.

You wanna know why I was CRYING?

Because there was nothing ‘green’ ‘on the table! That’s right. There was nothing ‘healthy’ on my kids’s plates and that’s the reason I was crying actual real tears tonight because apparently that’s how emotionally STABLE I am these days. That’s how mentally ‘together’ I am.

Or maybe if I’m being honest, it was actually something else? Maybe it was this thing called ‘Mom guilt’ and  I had been listening to it. You know, Mamas, that voice that says that no matter how awesome you’ve been and how many diarrhea diapers you’ve changed and how many sweaty foreheads you’ve kissed, you’re still NOT ENOUGH?? You’re still not awesome enough?? You know. THAT voice.

Truth is, I was coming off of about 3 weeks of caring for sick people in this house and then last night after exactly 4.5 good days (3 of those, I was single mom-ing it while my husband was out of town on business) and me treating myself to a much needed hot bath, the baby puked. By that, I mean gnarly projectile vomited all over the bed, the sheets,  the blankets and my freshly bathed body. Poor little toddler. He had JUST recovered from not one, but TWO bouts of fever and coughing. Seriously, people???

So there went my plans of catching up on sleep and getting to bed early,( ha!) along with my dreams of starting that new exercise regime and getting back to early morning yoga. (Har har har). Not. Gonna. Happen.

Fact is,I had just spent the last of my precious energy on trying to get a picture of those mashed potatoes for the blog! and then my phone couldn’t take any more pictures, cuz the storage was full, and I was losing daylight.
When we finally sat down to eat, the mashed potatoes were cold (OF COURSE!) and I realized that there was nothing green on the table! The horrors!

You see, I had made a resolution a few weeks ago, that in order to get more veggies into my kids, i would serve something ‘green’ at every meal. Well that wasn’t happening tonight and so I sat there and cried like the big girl that I am, while my six year old tried to talk to me about the snowman I had just helped him build. I mean after all the challenges and frustrations of these past few weeks, it was the “salad” that set me off! All the demons i had fought off this week, and it was the “green thing” that pushed me over the edge! Never mind the high fevers and cooped up cold days, a SALAD doesn’t make it onto my dinner table and I lose my ever ‘lerving mind.

And isn’t that how ‘Mom guilt’ works? It builds up little by little and tears at our souls slowly over time until one day we are completely convinced that we are epic failures?? When actually we’ve been busy making non-toxic hand soap and building snowmen with our kids and that’s why we didn’t get a salad on the table. We’ve been settling fights and teaching children about kindness and other epic things like how to build a tunnel in the snow and that’s WHY we didn’t get something healthy in our kids that day.
 I mean, let’s keep it real.
And at least if we’re gonna sit there and cry, let’s cry over the hours and the days that have been spent listening to this stupid lie, saying we’re not enough and let’s wipe our collective tears and keep on rocking this motherhood life. If we’re gonna be sad, let’s be sad about all the joy and the moments that this thing has stolen from us and then let’s hold hands and pray and thank God for this glorious life we get to live.
Because, no matter how we’ve failed or fallen short that day, we still have done more and had more than ninety-percent of the people living on this planet and that is something to celebrate, not to cry about.

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